New

Several weeks back I went on an adventure with my roommate Miranda, her boyfriend Brad, and his friend Josh. After a week full of work schedules and responsibilities, we decided to go to the mountains to let loose for a little while and just have fun. This fun consisted of jumping off a 10-foot rock into the creek, building a dam, laying out in the sun, putting the ipod on shuffle, and driving to who knows where with the windows down. We didn't ask questions, we didn't need a map, we didn't worry about where we needed to be in a few hours, we just, as my roommate so creatively put it, decided to "bite the peach." 

Because that was such a good day and it reminded me of all the things that are beautiful to me in life, I decided to name my blog after that phrase. Not to mention, it was coined by one of my favorite people in the world, Miranda Coffey, who is so much like me, yet so different in all the right ways. 

What I am learning:

We need a little adventure in our lives, a little time off the beaten path. We need relaxation and exhilaration. We need friendship and laughter. We need to jump off rocks and build dams. We need to spend time in God's creation, enjoying his beauty.

In other words, just bite the peach!

Forsaken

Loneliness. The thorn in my side. 

I go through these spouts where I feel like I am completely alone. It's irrational really. I have lovely friends and family who care about me and a job where I am around people all the time. But sometimes it's as if I have blinders on and cannot see what is really around me, what is actually my life. 

This loneliness comes in waves. I was caught up in a big one last week and in previous weeks. I felt as if I was running from something, but I don't know what...and I have no idea where I thought I was running. I think it's because God has been dealing with me in the here and now--I mean really driving it home that THIS is my life and NOW is all I've ever got. That thought can be depressing sometimes...but so liberating in other ways. 

One thing that I've really been trying to look in the mirror about is who I am to the world. What does the world see when it looks at me? I don't know if I want to know the answer to that question. Do they see how insecure I am, how much I wish I had a boyfriend, how unhappy I feel sometimes? Do they know that I am lonely?

While dealing with some of these thoughts the other day, I decided to open my bible. As of late I have been journeying through 1 Samuel reading about Samuel and Eli and Saul and David, but this day I felt like taking a look in Mark. I opened up to find this scripture:

"Now when the sixth hour had come, there was darkness over the whole land until the ninth hour. And at the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?" which is translated, 'My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?'" (Mark 15: 33-34).

I had tears in my eyes as I read this because I realized anew, as if for the first time, that Jesus is the only one who has ever known what it feels like to be completely alone. I imagined him as he hung there in the darkness, the sin of the world upon him, crying out in his most broken voice to the sky...crying out in vain. No one, absolutely no one has experienced that kind of pain. We always focus on the physical pain that Jesus experienced--the nails in his hands, the thorns in his brow, the cat of nine-tails that ripped his back to shreds--but I think we too often overlook the most painful part of the crucifix. Not only did Jesus get denied by his best friend Peter and made to suffer alone, but he was left to deal with his pain away from God, away from his father. I imagine the fear that came upon him and the panic that swept over him. I imagine the demons who taunted him...probably even Satan himself whispering in his ear letting him know he was really alone and helpless. Jesus, innocent and holy, made unholy and left alone with his questions naked in the dark. 

Oh, how I forget the beautiful story of my Jesus. And oh, how beautiful it is when it is made new to me again. 

How absurd it is to feel alone, completely alone when my God has never forsaken me. Better yet, he promises he never will. He will never leave me. I will never be alone. How can I not feel peace consume when I think about that truth?