10 things I want to do before the year is over

I was thinking last night as I lay awake in bed that there are some things I would like to change in my life. These things are habits I want to break, habits I need to start, the way I treat people, what I do with my money, what I do with my time, and so on.

Here they are:

1. Recycle, recycle, recycle.  I go to a school that promotes recycling like no other. In my ethics class 2 weeks ago we watched a film about garbage and landfills and to be honest it made me pretty sick. I don't want to be a wasteful human being. I want to be more like my Granny who reuses plastic containers and so many other things. 


2. Save money. After working my butt off waiting tables and getting hardly enough money to show for it, I have decided it is about darn time that I be saving money, even if it is a measly $5 a week. AND this money should be put away and never touched. I have a habit of treating my savings account like my checking account. 

3. Be a regular at thrift stores. I love thrifting. Why do I forget about it so often? Perhaps it's the flashiness of a new pair of jeans, a new pair of shoes, or a new stereo. I hate that I get wrapped up in the poison of consumerism. I want to enjoy the notion of owning something that has already been owned by another, like my parents for instance. They love antique shopping. I think that's so cool.


4. Create relationships wherever I go. This one is a life-long goal for sure, but I want to push myself to be one of those people who is making friends wherever I am. In other words, I want to be more like Michael Green. That kid knows everybody. Why can't I be like that? Well, I think I can. And I will.

5. Make time for people. After going to school for flipping forever, doing homework, working countless jobs, doing duty after duty after duty, I have learned that the most important and most fruitful way to spend my time is with people. Not only do I have more fun and less stress, but I learn so much more about myself in the process.


6. Learn how to sew. I got a sewing machine for Christmas. I need to make time to do this. I know it will add greatly to my happiness knowing this skill and greatly to my wardrobe. 

7. Continue learning how to play guitar. After leaving Dfocus, I no longer have Kyle Bomar to hold me accountable and watch me play and teach me new stuff. First, I need to find a teacher who is Bomar-esque. Second, I need to practice, practice, practice, practice. I can make time. I've been making time all along. 


8. Read and enjoy history. I always hated history as a kid, but something my forensics professor said the other day made me realize I may actually like history. He said, "I had those horrible teachers that made you remember dates and names and not the stories themselves." I think that has been my experience. I want to know if I can enjoy learning about the past. 

9. Grow a garden. I don't know where. I don't know how. But I want a garden. I want to grow tomatoes, onions, cucumbers, green peppers, lettuce, blackberries, watermelon, sunflowers, etc. Basically, I just want a huge garden that I can escape to and work on and reap the fruits of my labor...literally.


10. Give myself a full day of rest every week. Steve Stroud has convinced me that it was not just a suggestion God made about taking a day of rest, but an essential command. Even the God of the universe took a day of rest on the seventh day after creating the world. Even if it's not the same day every week (although preferably it will be), there is just something about kicking back for an entire day that rejuvenates not only my body but my mind and my soul as well. It's a must. 

These are my desires. This is my prayer. I think my life would be fuller of God and of happiness and of peace with some if not all of these changes. 

Be blessed today. And don't forget to be a blessing.

It's 1:20am. I'm still awake. I have an 8am class tomorrow or I guess this morning. It really sucks closing at work every wednesday night.

One thing I'm learning: sleep is essential. When I don't get it, I start to lose my mind. no joke.

I don't have the energy to work out these days...all I want to do is sleep. What is my problem? It's like when I want to sleep, I can't. When I shouldn't sleep, I want to so badly I can't stand it. I just need more time to sleep.

Anyway, so I was thinking and praying to God today. I was thinking, "I really want to go to church this Sunday, but I have to work. Why did you want me to get this job, God, if I won't be able to go to church?" I also prayed, "I am not even close to being able to pay my car payment tuesday, let alone pay for gas and my tithe whenever I get to go to church next. Please let me make enough in tips to be able to pay for all of this."

So I go to work. Within an hour one of the girls asked me if I wanted to switch my morning Sunday shift with her evening Sunday shift. I was like, Whoa, God. That's legit.

Then, I got a table that had a $240 ticket and left me $100. On top of the 30+ that I already made.

Moral of the story: God hears my prayers and he does care about me, contrary to popular belief. The coolest part about this whole thing was that another girl I work with said, "I prayed before I came into work today that I would make good tips because I really need the money, and I've gotten awesome tips tonight. I may not be a great Christian, but I believe in God and I believe he hears our prayers. When I pray for money, he always answers my prayers." I was like, "Oh yeah, girl. I believe that same thing." So cool.

It is true. It's like we forget God is all-powerful and in control. We put too much pressure on ourselves. But what did Jesus say? If you have faith as small as a mustard seed you can move mountains. Move freaking mountains!

Lord, give me faith, give me faith, give me faith.

Bad Dreams

Last night, I had the nightmare of all nightmares. I mean, it topped them all. Thanks, Shoney's, for that huge peach cobbler I ate right before bed. It's all your fault.

So my parents are out of town, right. My brother and I still live at home, so it was just us home for the night. Not a problem. We're big kids.

However, lately I've been having trouble falling asleep right away. So, like every night for the past week, I lay in bed for literally an hour or more before I finally even began to feel sleepy. Last night was no exception. Not only was I not tired, but there was this crazy dog barking non-stop somewhere down the street. I mean, that never happens. And of course it made me think back to when I was in Haiti and the dogs would start barking and howling in a way that sends shivers down your back. I don't know if it was my imagination or if I was just creeping myself out, but it was like that dog just starting howling louder and louder and I just couldn't take it anymore: one, because I couldn't fall asleep. Two, because it was really scaring me.

Plan B: pick up my covers and pillow (and eventually heater, for the noise) and I moved to the couch. Once there, I fell asleep no problem.

But the sleep wasn't dreamless. It was horrible.

I dreamed that two men were breaking into the house. I dreamed that it was just Ricky and I, so it felt like it was really happening. I mean it was so real.

Ricky came and got me. We decided the best place to hide would be the bathtub, so we quickly sneaked to the bathroom and lay awkwardly in the bathtub. We could hear their voices. I've never seen so much terror in my brother's eyes.

The footsteps got closer. The voices got angrier. I held my breath. I knew they were going to find us.

The shower curtain snapped open. A hand reaches and grabs my brother. A knife goes to his throat. I begged him to let go of him, I swore I would do anything. Fortunately, the other friend told him they had no time, that they had to get out of there and he let him go.

I woke up to hear footsteps running down the stairs and light-switch came on. "Ricky?" ... "Yeah?"

I've never been more relieved to hear my brother's voice.

Ironically, just yesterday Ricky was telling our nephew Gabe a story about when he was little and he lost control of his bike. While he told the story, I saw it in my mind's eye like it happened just yesterday. I remember running to my brother and grabbing his shaking hand and taking him inside to mom.

It's so easy to forget those times and to forget that I'm the older one. It seems now we've switched roles. He acts more like my older brother than ever...being protective, taking command of situations. Nevertheless, he is still my little brother.

And no matter how old we get, he will always be my little brother. The one I would literally do almost anything for. I don't thank God enough for him.

Thank you, God, for my brother.

Sometimes, things just don't turn out how you thought they would.

When I was 10 years old, I had my life figured out. I was going to go to college somewhere out of state. I was going to teach kindergarten for the rest of my life and have fun doing it. I was going to fall madly in love and be married, at least, by age 22. I would have at least 2 kids and I would adopt more. I would buy a big house and live the American dream.

But now I'm 21, and so far, NONE of these things have happened (and probably most of them never will).

I'm learning to be okay with that.

I stayed home all this time and chose to go to Maryville College. This has ended up being one of the best decisions I've ever made for the long run because I got to be home when my Grandfather passed away freshman year, I've met amazing people, I've done young life at LCHS, I've become friends with my parents and have grown closer to my siblings, I've been pushed academically and am still learning so much, and I've realized just how much I love Tennessee. I appreciate it now.

I stopped wanting to be a teacher after I worked at a daycare. Now I have no idea what I want to do, but I'm leaning toward journalism. I love writing. I love that I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life. I used to hate it, but now I think it's exciting because it means the possibilities are almost limitless.

And I'm definitely not in love. Not even dating anyone. I thought I would meet someone in college. I thought that I would find my significance in a man-that I would need a man. But by being single, I've learned so much about myself, about being patient, about waiting, about loving for reals, about sacrificing, about giving. I've learned that it's okay that I'm not dating anyone. Like everything else, I feel like God will just make it all fall into place when the time is right. So meanwhile, I"m waiting and I'm trusting and I'm hoping and I'm enjoying the time that I have now to myself.

I have no idea where my life is heading, but I'm so thankful for where it has been.

Yes, sometimes things just don't turn out how you thought they would, but thank God for that. What an amazingly boring life I would have if everything turned out exactly how I expected it to. God has so much more planned for me...and so much more planned for you too. He is the great orchestrator. And, oh yeah, he is always good.

First Club of the Semester

"And while God does not ask any of us to bring Christ into the world as literally as did Mary, God calls each of us to become a God bearer through whom God may enter the world again and again." -Kendra Creasy Dean and Ron Foster

"Compassion is the sometimes fatal capacity for feeling what it's like to live inside somebody else's skin. It is the knowledge that there can never really be any peace and joy for me until there is peace and joy finally for you too." -Frederick Buechner

Tonight the semester is kicking off with a bang. This is the first ever club in Lenoir City that will be almost completely ran by seniors and juniors, with Young Life leaders helping with the preparation before-hand and giving the talk. I'm so pumped.

There's just something about seeing those Seniors excited about club that makes you excited too. It's contagious. Sunday we prepared ahead of time for the mixer, the game, the music, the walk-on, the announcements, and the signs. Monday they painted up cars. Today we get our shirts, which we will all be wearing. There's going to be hot dogs and corn hole beforehand. Dude. Get excited. This is it.

I have the privilege of giving the first talk tonight. I'm going to talk about my first ever Young Life club when I was a freshman at LCHS. It was senior club and Michael Green did the light and fluffy skit with his friend, Adam McBroon. I'm going to tell about how nervous I was, how unsure I was, how out of the loop I felt, and how I said I would never go back...and here I stand as a Young Life leader today. Funny  how God works, isn't it?

Pray that God speaks through me to those kids who feel exactly as I did 8 years ago sitting in the overcrowded upper room of Suntrust Bank. I want more than anything for those kids to come back. And I want more than anything for Young Life to be everybody's Young Life, not just one group of kids'. I'm getting excited because I feel like our Seniors are starting to get the vision of what the phrase, "Young Life is for EVERYONE," means.

I hope they begin to be like the guys who brought there friend to the feet of Jesus.

"Some men were carrying a paralytic on a mat and tried to take him into the house to lay him before Jesus. When they could not find a way to do this because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and lowered him on his mat through the tiles into the middle of the crowd, right in front of Jesus. When Jesus saw their faith, he said, 'Friend, your sins are forgiven'" (Luke 5:18-20).

Right in front of Jesus. That's where we want to bring everybody. That's the vision that we need. That's where we all belong.

Awkward Encounters

Have you ever seen someone waving in your general direction and waved back, only to realize that they were waving to someone behind you?

I hate when that happens. And almost as a self defense mechanism to that inevitable embarrassment you feel, where your face turns red and you awkwardly walk away as fast as you can wishing you could disappear, you decide next time you will not wave, you'll just wait until you are sure that they are waving at you...you and no one else.

Well this can get sticky too because then scenario two comes into play: Next time, you decide not to wave, and the person looks affronted and walks away thinking you could care less about their existence.

I mean, a person just seriously can't win.

I have learned over time that I think way too much into social situations, over-analyzing the most minute details. These are the kinds of things that I obsess over in my head before I go to bed at night...sometimes. Other times, I realize that I will never be perfect and just get on with my life.

But really, people. This phenomenon could be completely obsolete if we would just say, "Hey, ______!" while waving. Then maybe backward weirdos like me would know how to function and respond in this highly confusing, social world.

Speaking of awkward, take a look at this guy:

The name's Jeremy Bentham. He was an arrogant theorist who founded Utilitarian thought (the idea of weighing the costs and benefits of a moral situation based on the sole principles of pleasure and pain). Before he died, he asked that his body be preserved and put on display at University College London. This is, in fact, his real body, although the head did not do so well in preservation so they took it off and put it between his feet at the bottom of the case, and replaced the real one with a wax mold. Eventually, the real head was taken out as well, for obvious reasons. This dude is still carted out for annual meetings on discussions about utilitarianism.

I mean seriously, there couldn't be a more awkward death-bed wish: "Hey man, do you mind preserving my body for me in a glass case and then meeting every year with my body so that you can keep my theory alive and my memory in tact?" Yeah, sure. No problem.

Yep. It doesn't get any weirder than that.

*For those Lost fans out there, Jeremy Bentham was the name of John Locke when he came back to the real world to ask everyone to return to the island. So strange that they gave him that name...maybe some connection to Utilitarianism in some way?? Any thoughts?

**In my last post I made a reference to Romeo and Juliet as being symbolic for God's love for us...yeah that's not my idea. I failed to mention that Don Miller wrote about that in his book Searching For God Knows What, which is a book I recommend to anyone who is doing just that.